Jokes (1) [5 jokes]
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee.
One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
*************************************************
A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend�s house for a play date.
- Mommy - the little girl asks - how old are you?
- Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age - the mother warns - It is not polite.
- Ok - the little girl says - How much do you weigh?
- Now really - the mother says - these are personal questions, and really none of your business.
Undaunted, the little girl asks:
- Why did you and daddy get a divorce?
- That is enough questions, honestly! - The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
- My Mom wouldn�t tell me anything - the little girl says to her friend.
- Well - said the friend - all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card�it has everything on it.
Later that night, the little girl says to her mother:
- I know how old you are. You are 32.
The mother is surprised and asks:
- How did you find that out?
- I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.
The mother is past surprise and shocked now.
- How in heaven�s name did you find that out?
- And - the little girl says triumphantly - I know why you and daddy got a divorce.
- Oh really? - the mother asks - And why�s that?
- Because you got an F in bed.
*************************************************
A widowed lady, Sarah, was sitting on a beach towel in Miami Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, spread his blanket on the sand nearby, and had begun reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.
"Hello, sir, how are you?"
"Fine, thank you" he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" Sarah asked.
"First time since my wife passed away last year" he replied, and again turned back to his book.
"Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Suntree" he answered, and resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?"
With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied "How did you know my name is Katz?"
*************************************************
When is it permissible to throw water in an Italian woman’s face?
When her moustache catches fire.
*************************************************
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
*************************************************
One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
*************************************************
A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend�s house for a play date.
- Mommy - the little girl asks - how old are you?
- Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age - the mother warns - It is not polite.
- Ok - the little girl says - How much do you weigh?
- Now really - the mother says - these are personal questions, and really none of your business.
Undaunted, the little girl asks:
- Why did you and daddy get a divorce?
- That is enough questions, honestly! - The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
- My Mom wouldn�t tell me anything - the little girl says to her friend.
- Well - said the friend - all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card�it has everything on it.
Later that night, the little girl says to her mother:
- I know how old you are. You are 32.
The mother is surprised and asks:
- How did you find that out?
- I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.
The mother is past surprise and shocked now.
- How in heaven�s name did you find that out?
- And - the little girl says triumphantly - I know why you and daddy got a divorce.
- Oh really? - the mother asks - And why�s that?
- Because you got an F in bed.
*************************************************
A widowed lady, Sarah, was sitting on a beach towel in Miami Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, spread his blanket on the sand nearby, and had begun reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.
"Hello, sir, how are you?"
"Fine, thank you" he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" Sarah asked.
"First time since my wife passed away last year" he replied, and again turned back to his book.
"Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Suntree" he answered, and resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?"
With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied "How did you know my name is Katz?"
*************************************************
When is it permissible to throw water in an Italian woman’s face?
When her moustache catches fire.
*************************************************
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
*************************************************
Labels: funniest jokes, funniest stuff
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Thank you for the pleasure to laugh.
I collect interesting sites too and in my funny pictures sites collection are more then 30 sites today.If you want you can see this collection here
http://interests.page.tl/Interesting-links-I-found.htm
Posted by
Liudmila |
March 26, 2007 at 2:35 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
Posted by
running_with_scissors |
March 26, 2007 at 2:50 PM
hi, i absolutely loved that one about bush & "brazillion".
hope you won't give up posting on your blog like many people do.
regards!
Posted by
running_with_scissors |
March 26, 2007 at 2:52 PM
I like your blog too! It is very funny and enjoyable... I hope my english is not so bad! Aelia
Posted by
Aelia |
March 26, 2007 at 4:02 PM
Very, very funny.
Jenny
http://www.jennyfloravita.blogspot.com/
Posted by
Jenny Floravita |
March 26, 2007 at 4:33 PM
Gracias por Postear y la visita.
De donde eres ?
Como llegaste a mi Blog ?
Un abrazo y Éxito !
=)
----------------------------------
Thanks for Postear and the visit. Of where you are?
As you arrived at my Blog?
A hug and Success!
=)
Posted by
Piquillo |
March 26, 2007 at 4:35 PM
hi,
thanx for visitng my blog..
your blog is cool.
good jokes.
Always invited to visit my blog
Posted by
Anonymous |
March 26, 2007 at 6:58 PM
Thank you for your visit!!
gracias por tu visita y comentarios,un saludo!!
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March 26, 2007 at 7:13 PM
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Posted by
Mohamed Arif.M |
March 27, 2007 at 6:13 AM
brazillion
LoL!!!
Posted by
Anonymous |
March 27, 2007 at 8:45 PM
good one..keep the job
Posted by
Rookie |
March 27, 2007 at 9:32 PM