Jokes (3) [4 jokes]
The chief comes to them and says, "the bad news is that we caught you and we're going to kill you and eat you and then use your skin to build a canoe. But the good news is that you can choose how you want to die."
The Frenchman asks for a sword and runs himself through muttering his last words, "Vive la France!"
The Englishman asks for a gun and putting the gun to his head says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brain out.
The Sardar asks for a fork.
The chief is puzzled but hands it to him anyway.
Taking the fork, the Sardar starts jabbing it all over -- the stomach, the chest, the sides and everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, its horrible.
The chief is appalled even for a cannibal, he asks, "My God Almighty, what are you doing?"
Sardar replies, "So much for your CANOE!"
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A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?”
farmer
The farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”
“How?” asks the man, puzzled.
“Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are outstanding in their field.”
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
door bell
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word.
Bob says, ” I’ll give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on.
” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower “Who was that?
“It was Bob the next door neighbor,”she replies.
“Great” the husband says, “did he say anything about the 800 dollars he owes me?
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Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches.
turtle
The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone’s whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener.
Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they’ll eat everything by the time he gets back.
Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtle’s graves that they won’t touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.
Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise.
After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless.
“I NEED FOOD!” he says with a hint of dementia in his voice.
“NO!” Joe retorts. “We promised.”
Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock.
“Just for that, I’m not going.”
Labels: funniest jokes, funniest stuff
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