Funny pictures (11) + Jokes (8) [4 pictures] [5 jokes]
Three friends, Aboriginal, Jew and Mexican, spend each night together drinking beer in an outback pub.
One night as they’re leaving, a road-train comes through the town and kills all three.
The next day, the publican is surprised to see the Mexican, who assumed dead walked through the door. The Mexican tells him, “Well, we were all killed, but when we got to the pearly gates, St. Peter said we could come back to earth if we pay him $20.”
“Well, obviously you paid up, but what happened to your friends?”
“The jew’s trying to haggle him down to $10, and the aboriginal is trying to convince him that the government will pay for it.”
*********************************
One night, 3 mba students were boozing till late night and didn’t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning, they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.So the dean said they can have the retest after 3 days.
They said they will be ready by that time. On the third day, they appeared before the dean.The dean said that this was a special condition test.
All three were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks.
Q.1. YOUR NAME …………………….(2 MARKS)
Q.2. WHICH TYRE BURST ……………(98 MARKS).
a. Front Left
b. Front Right
c. Back Left
d. Back Right ….!!!
*********************************
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses’ wife instead,
“I’m afraid he died last week” ,she explains.
The next day, the man calls again and asks for the boss.
“I told you” the wife replies, “he died last week.”
The next day, he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, “I’ve already told you twice, my husband, your boss, died last week! Why do you keep calling?”
“Coz…” he replied laughing, “I just love hearing it…”
*********************************
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying, “Hi, how are you?”
I’m not the type to start a conversation in the men’s restroom but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, some what embarrassed, “Doin’ just fine!”
And the other guy says: “So what are you up to?”
What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say, “Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!”
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. “Can I come over?”
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, “No……..I’m a little busy right now!!!”
Then I hear the guy say nervously…
“Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!”
*********************************
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant.
First, he asked that the air conditioner be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.
“Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile.
“We don’t even have an air conditioner.”
*********************************
One night as they’re leaving, a road-train comes through the town and kills all three.
The next day, the publican is surprised to see the Mexican, who assumed dead walked through the door. The Mexican tells him, “Well, we were all killed, but when we got to the pearly gates, St. Peter said we could come back to earth if we pay him $20.”
“Well, obviously you paid up, but what happened to your friends?”
“The jew’s trying to haggle him down to $10, and the aboriginal is trying to convince him that the government will pay for it.”
*********************************
One night, 3 mba students were boozing till late night and didn’t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning, they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.So the dean said they can have the retest after 3 days.
They said they will be ready by that time. On the third day, they appeared before the dean.The dean said that this was a special condition test.
All three were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks.
Q.1. YOUR NAME …………………….(2 MARKS)
Q.2. WHICH TYRE BURST ……………(98 MARKS).
a. Front Left
b. Front Right
c. Back Left
d. Back Right ….!!!
*********************************
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses’ wife instead,
“I’m afraid he died last week” ,she explains.
The next day, the man calls again and asks for the boss.
“I told you” the wife replies, “he died last week.”
The next day, he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, “I’ve already told you twice, my husband, your boss, died last week! Why do you keep calling?”
“Coz…” he replied laughing, “I just love hearing it…”
*********************************
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying, “Hi, how are you?”
I’m not the type to start a conversation in the men’s restroom but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, some what embarrassed, “Doin’ just fine!”
And the other guy says: “So what are you up to?”
What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say, “Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!”
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. “Can I come over?”
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, “No……..I’m a little busy right now!!!”
Then I hear the guy say nervously…
“Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!”
*********************************
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant.
First, he asked that the air conditioner be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.
“Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile.
“We don’t even have an air conditioner.”
*********************************
Labels: funniest jokes, funniest pictures, funniest stuff
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Posted by
oakleyses |
December 29, 2015 at 1:13 AM