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Mr TytkaFunny pictures (10) + Jokes (7) [9 pictures] [3 jokes]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, “My father’s a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess.”

“And what’s the moral of the story?” asked the teacher.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!!!

Very good,” said the teacher.

Oh, there was little Johnny with his hand up.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. She was a flight engineer in desert storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.”

God heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?”

Don’t mess with Aunt Karen when she’s been drinking.”

***********************************

A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders.

The border guard asks, “What’s in the bags?

The fellow says, “Sand!

The guard wants to examine them. The fellow gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground, opens them up, and the guard inspects…only to find sand. The fellow packs the sand into the
bags, places them on his shoulders, and pedals the bike across the border.

Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated…

What have you there?”

Sand

“We want to examine it.”

Same results…nothing but sand and the fellow is on his way again.

Every two weeks for a year the inspections continue.

Eventually, the border guard retires and one day he happens to see the guy downtown.

He says to the fellow, “Buddy, you drove me crazy. I know you were smuggling something. For 30 years I was a border guard and I thought I’d seen everything, but I was never been able to figure out what you were up to. I won’t say anything, but what were you smuggling?”

The fellow says, “Bicycles”.

***********************************

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were:

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,

T-square, do your stuff.”

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,

Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies …Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said “Measure, do your stuff.”

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said,
“What can your cat do?”

The Government Employee called his cat and said…

Coffee Break…do your stuff.”

Coffee Break jumped to his feet…

ate the cookies…

drank the milk…

sh*t on the paper…

claimed he injured his back while doing so…

filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions

put in for Workers Compensation…and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave!!!


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I don't get it. All your jokes seem to have the last line missing. Am I being as daft as my sister or am I missing something?????

- :@]

:/
My fault, now is correct.
Thanks for your comment :)

Phew! Thanks for that! I thought it was me!

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