Funny pictures (7) + Jokes (4) [6 pictures] [3 jokes]

There were three people standing on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.

The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore.

So she announced, “I’m going to try to swim to shore.” She swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, she drowned.

The redhead, said to herself, “I wonder if she made it. I guess it’s better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve.”

So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, she drowned.

So the blonde thought to herself, “I wonder if they made it! I think I’d better try to make it, too.”

So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight.

She said, “I’m too tired to go on!” So she swam back.

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Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions.

People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the star of David is empty.

A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David.

He says : “Young man. Don’t you realize that this is a Catholic country? You’ll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David.”

The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says “can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?”

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Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. An Italian police officer stops them and says:
"Itsa illegala to putta five-a people in a Quattro!"

"Vot do you mean, it's illegal?" the German driver asks.

"Quattro means four!" the policeman answers.

"Quattro iz just ze name of ze fokken automobile" the German shouts ..."Look at ze dam paperz: Ze car is dezigned to carry 5 people!"

"You canta pulla thata one on me!" says the Italian policeman. "Quattro meansa four. You havea five-a people ina your car and you are therefore breaking the law!"

The German driver gets mad and shouts "You ideeiot! Call ze zupervizor over!

Schnell! I vant to spik to zumvun viz more intelligence!!!"

"Sorry" the Italian says, "He canta comea . He'sa buzy with a two guys in a Fiat Uno."

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Labels: funniest jokes, funniest pictures, funniest stuff

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