Funny pictures (10) + Jokes (7) [9 pictures] [3 jokes]

A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders.

The border guard asks, “What’s in the bags?“

The fellow says, “Sand!“

The guard wants to examine them. The fellow gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground, opens them up, and the guard inspects…only to find sand. The fellow packs the sand into the
bags, places them on his shoulders, and pedals the bike across the border.

Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated…

“What have you there?”

“Sand“

“We want to examine it.”

Same results…nothing but sand and the fellow is on his way again.

Every two weeks for a year the inspections continue.

Eventually, the border guard retires and one day he happens to see the guy downtown.

He says to the fellow, “Buddy, you drove me crazy. I know you were smuggling something. For 30 years I was a border guard and I thought I’d seen everything, but I was never been able to figure out what you were up to. I won’t say anything, but what were you smuggling?”

The fellow says, “Bicycles”.

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Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were:

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,

“T-square, do your stuff.”

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,

“Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies …Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said “Measure, do your stuff.”

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said,
“What can your cat do?”

The Government Employee called his cat and said…

“Coffee Break…do your stuff.”

Coffee Break jumped to his feet…

ate the cookies…

drank the milk…

sh*t on the paper…

claimed he injured his back while doing so…

filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions…

put in for Workers Compensation…and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave!!!